it amazes me how easy things have become on one side. and so difficult on the other. the one that used to be comfort, safety and warmth has now become hurtful and dark. while the other one which used to be superficial craziness, has turned into something warm, comfortable, soothing, embracing and happy. so happy. i think someone up there is really playing a joke on me. hah

i will wait (: wait for e day to come. and if it doesn't, erh well, let's just say i'd have fucked myself over for awhile -.-

sometimes when i try to remember things, it feels like a dream. esp jc. seeing as how i danced jc away. and barely was in class at all. but other than that, so many things that made me so happy and were so important to me back then. feels just like a misty dream. the rock concert, prata, the book, the diet coke, the red wall and so many things that have just intertwined and blurred into one each other that its all just mist floating around. there but not solid.

i don't think i want to put myself through the same mental and emotional torment anymore. i don't think i can do it. i'll stick to what i do best. hah. if its even good at all.

i've become such a recluse and loner that i'm starting to get worried about myself.